why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
