You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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