dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
