Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
