I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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