and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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