I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
