Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
