I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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