I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
