i was born a porn star she said
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
