can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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