i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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