Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize