You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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