Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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