weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
