JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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