remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
