He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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