Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize