I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
