our cab driver is having phone sex.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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