he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
