When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize