yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
