I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
