Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
