The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
