I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
