she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
