I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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