Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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