All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The feeling are messing with the penis
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize