You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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