I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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