So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I got inside last night via doggy door
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
