you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
