i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
