I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
