Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize