we have officially lost it.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
