he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
