i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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