D3 body, D1 cock
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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