i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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