My pussy is not your playground.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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