Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
