you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
