I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
