T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
