You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
