ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
