Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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