I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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