omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
this just has baby written all over it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize