i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You dont lie about slip and slides
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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