its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize