i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
