He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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