he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
