i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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