I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
