FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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