Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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