just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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