Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
